Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Last Friday...A good night out!

Ahh another Friday another party night, another piss up and another bunch of accidents lying in my path just trying to ruin my night...but hey im not that weak any other bloke who falls off a trainstation platform, gets his hand almost burnt off by some silly buggers fag holding technique and a number of close shaves while crossing the road by taxi's and bus's would probably have given up at the first hurdle but not me. No i enjoyed my night i carried on with my wounds and argh...ok ok, it was the beer, shots and whatever else i had that made me feel i was made of the strongest metal in the world it numbed my pain. Anyway enough of my injury prone self and on with the details.

We (Phil, Liam and me) started off in Wetherspoons in Westhoughton, at last a pint after a long days working in some shitty farm up Rivington and my Ipod freezing on me half way through the day made things worse but yes, at last a pint. Mmmmm Cold Pints. Anyway we are sat/stood, sipping/gulping away at our first pint of the night unknown at what was about to happen. We intended to catch the bus and go round some bars in Bolton if not for Phils crew turning up and inviting us aboard a minibus to....Wigan. Oh yes "who ate all the piesville" and after another pint...or half we didnt have enough time to finish as the minibus was already here we jumped in and to the sound of "I am the music man" what the fuck was that minibus driver on? We left for (Sunny) Wigan.

After we got to Wigan we made our way to our first bar desperate for a piss and cold enough for our manly nipples to stick out through our shirts we walked...and walked all the way to the other end of town and entered Bar Baa. Oh yes its J2 but a bar. Its the same as J2 but more enjoyable and they have some cool shots. It was here were we experienced our first major piss artistic trick. Phil came up with the idea "lets all put in for that £20 shot in a bottle." "nah" "come on" "erm" "I will" - liam. I'd already given my cash to Phil and awaited the green shit with eagerness only seen in a virgin about to get laid for the first time.

After about the 3rd shot of the green stuff we had thrown aside our crappy shot glasses, crappy pube ridden shot glass if your names Liam and began to gulp the shit down. Liam thought he heard someone say "i bet you cant finish that mate" and so he gulped the last 3rd of the bottle in one and staggered away to some corner. This left us pissed and happy and so we moved to our next bar. The Dali Bar.

In the Dali Bar which was so fecking hard to move in there i had my first brush with death...actually it was just a bloke walking like a fool with his fag dangling in his hand behind him and because of the compactness of the crowd he caught me...ok it was an accident i understand...next time ill bring a blowtorch and accidentally torch your ear off or something you moron. Anyway back to the night. We had a couple of drinks talked a little to everyone and danced. Then we decided to go to the next bar...we couldnt get in, so we tried the next bar, same result and the same at the next...ohhh our nights ruined then? Thats the end is it we all go home and get in bed and dream of better nights? Nope some genius comes up with the idea to catch the train back to Bolton, walk across town and get in Thornes before the fecking bouncers decide its no entry time.

Its here where the night kicks off for the better...the whole Wigan Trainstation made the night, everyone got to know everyone...some people better than others eh Phil? Jenni? Second dice with death..ok no trains were due but i did fall off the train platform and it could of happened anytime...infact the train was probably due but it was late. I was lucky people helped me up...i could of done it myself but i can thank a green bottle of shit for taking that away from me. Me and Phil relieved ourselves for about the 10th time of the night on the side of the tunnel near the end of the platform. And people had a good laugh. By now the group had dropped by about 1/2 some stayed in Wigan, others probably went home being to exausted to continue. But us real party people continued into the night.

The train journey went abit like this WIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. With some bits i remember:

1) A boy who had been mugged wanted questioning from the police and was going to Manchester.
2) Liam getting invited to a foursome with 2 Wigan ladies (mother and daughter) and her husband.
3) Phil and Jenni seeing if they could beat the world record for stop to stop snogging on a train.
4) Not paying any money for the journey.

Then we had a awesome night in Thornes keeping smelly people away and trying to rid the world of sweaty blokes who take dancing and invisible instruments a bit to seriously.

Fancy dress party this friday. Dunno what to wear but i know it will be hugely embarrassing and i would like some help so if you guys (if anyone) are reading this please leave a comment telling me what i should wear i have a few ideas but nothing final:

A) Mr Muscle
B) Indian
C) Drag (women)
D) Indian Woman
E) Mr Sockomatic - I cover myself in odd socks!
F) Nekkid - hmm.

If anyone has any better ideas then please or just say which you think i should go as?


This is a few of the people out on friday night at Wigan trainstation. Hannah, Jenni, Phil and Em....Im sorry to the guy lying across everyone i cant remember your name...but then again i did fall off the platform. Posted by Hello

This is Phil and me after a shot of the green shit in that bottle behind us. Excuse the dribble.  Posted by Hello

Monday, January 24, 2005

Been a while!

Hey guys been away for a long time and if anybody is out there reading this in the big WWW. Then its good to be back.

So much has happened since i was last here and i really dunno where to start. So ill start with Christmas. This Christmas i went to Canada with my girlfriend and her sister Lucy, we stayed with her dad. Ex Army Dude Neal - dont worry he didnt have me doing 500 press ups or laps of the street in the -30* temperature - hes a really nice bloke and showed me around Calgary and told me loads of useful information about the city and mountains. Well i tried out snowboarding and all i can say is wow and ouch. Wow for how cool it is to just glide down the mountain on a thin piece of metal and the surroundings and ouch for when i went over head first and tumbled down a hill crunching and splattering into the snow...yes VERY ouch indeedy.

I Could eat Canadian food if my life depended on it, if i had one wish it would be to have the steaks that canadians have over here along with all the restaurants...oh feck make it two wishes coz i want the mountains here as well so i can become the "number one snowboarding champion of the world ever TM" It will happen trust me.

Oh and before i go im 20 now yep no longer a teenager, my mum and dad can stop calling me "Kevin" from "Kevin and Perry Go Large" im now an offical bloke/adult male/party animal. If you see me round town give me a wave and ill drag you round a few bars for a couple drinks or shots as long as your buying! Happy birthday to me!

Oh and if your interested my top 10 songs at the mo are:

10) The Reason - Hoobastank
9) 1st things 1st - Phantom Planet
8) Rip it up - Razorlight
7) Synthesizer - Electric Six
6) Ashes - Embrace
5) Dice - Finley Quaye
4) Holiday - Greenday
3) Float On - Modest Mouse
2) Mr Brightside - The Killers
1) Railroad - The Zutons

Id give reasons but its kinda obvious. Durr. Anyway thats it from me for now. Hope you have a good week. Today was suppose to be the most miserable day of the year, i dunno about you lot but i had a good day today and if this is the worst then things are gonna be great from now on.

See you soon. Dan.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

People Who Wear Coats in Summer!

Hey guys,

Today I've been at college...Yes College...While all you other people have a break for a week or whatever I had to go to college. What's worse is I did fuck all today. I mean I wrote about a pages worth of work but I learnt nothing. It has to be the most boring day at college ever 3 people turned up and none of them are really my mates. Infact one of them is a wanker.

When that pile of shit was over and it was time to go home I went to the bus and got on and I noticed a bloke wearing a fucking Eskimo type coat...You know the ones with fur round the hood. I mean I wouldn't be surprised if it was fucking snowing or a bit cold but it wasn't...It was roasting. Most people where wearing t-shirts for godsake and this tit was wearing a coat...he must of been sweating his balls off or something. Its like going on holiday to Ibiza and packing your suitcase like your going skiing! Yes the coats might be fashionable but its no excuse to wear one when its warmer outside than inside. Im sure you have a designer top or something that looks smart...Right?

Anyway I apologize if your a) a Eskimo or b) you have a abnormal growth that can only be hidden by a coat...Or c) The sun melts you if you get hit directly by the light...?

OK Rant over with...I just had to moan at something because ive been silent all day and it cheers me up if I take the piss after being quiet. I hope you all have a good night.


Amy Models my new wallet! Posted by Hello

We went to Manchester and all we got was this ("Fit" - Amy) Wallet!

Hey Guys,

On Bank Holiday Monday I woke up and having spent the night at Amys house. She made excellent bacon butties for us for breakfast and then I rushed her to get dressed, showered, make uped up etc. This is because we had to catch a train to Manchester at 12:30 and it was 10:30am now plus we had to get to my house and I had to shower and get dressed.

Well we made the train this was because I gave Amy a backy on my mums bike home. She kept wobbling though and we nearly came off the bike a few times. Her ass hurt...Happens a lot and her legs ached. Well we got on the train and we stood next to a foreign smelly dude...Amy told me he smelled I couldn't tell. Anyway we spent the day looking round shops and stuff and all we got was a wallet. Hehe...Seriously a wallet its a good wallet and I had a great time and no we didn't plan to come out for a wallet I just decided I needed one while we were out.

Thanks for a good Weekend Amy Babe!

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Amy and Me a few months ago... Posted by Hello

The Day After Tomoz and Middlebrook

Hey Guys,

Saturday...I woke up after getting a text off my girlfriend. We had planned to spend the whole day together but she wanted a lie in...10:30am or something she text me so I got up and waited for the bus. About dinner time I got to her house and she still wasn't dressed. Mmm Lazeeeeee! So I watched her get dressed...I cant complain. It was good. I had to make a comment on her one pink one purple socks and I got to choose what she would wear on the day. I couldn't find a short skirt and a top with mega cleavage, it didn't matter though she looks good in anything. She would look good in a black binliner.

We caught the bus into Middlebrook from Westhaughton...We both got on for 40p that's ridiculous. Im 19 and I can still get in for the price of a 16 year old. Bus drivers are so thick. Anyway I managed to go 3 bus journeys in the whole day without flicking ears. I feel I have done enough to resist the urge to flick ears forever but only time will tell.

When we got to middlebrook we booked our tickets at the cinema to watch The Day After Tomorrow. Then went to burger king for dinner. A welcome change from McDonald's but I still think McDs is better. We made our way through about 20 napkins hehe cleaning our hands from all the grease. We both had Wopper meals...I think. She had onion rings I had fries.

We went and got Amys mums birthday card from Thorntons or whatever and then we went to the cinema...We had a quick look in the book shop at the sex positions book haha.

The film was very good Amy complained about her ass aching all the way through the movie and she struggled to get comfy but we both enjoyed it. I enjoyed the part with the wolves...Mainly because Amy jumped out of her seat at one point. I spent quiet a lot of the movie just watching her. But I recommend the film it looks great and has a good story.

After the film went back to Amys where she cooked our tea...We bought a lottery ticket but we didn't win...2 numbers. Some lucky fuckers out there now celebrating winning a possible 28 mil. Bastards. All in all a excellent day hope you are all having a good weekend.

Oh yeah and Happy Birthday Amys Mum!


Last Ever Friends/Big Bro 5...spose to be evul or sommit!

Hey people,

Friday night i stayed in...doesnt happen very often but i made the most of it by erm listening to Avril Lavgne and watching the last ever Friends and the first day of Big Bro 5. Heh.

The last Friends was pretty good i mean theyre all fat now or have had so much plastic surgery and they are nowhere near as good as they used to be i was impressed...Joey pulled his face, Monica and Chandler hugged and made jokes, Rachel cried, Ross looked gay and Phoebe was err....Her dizzy self. Im sure many people cried when they put their keys down and left the apartment for the last time. I didnt though.

Big bro 5...what a bunch of freaks they have in the house this year. Heres what i think of them:

Ahmed...Lying fucked teeth wanker.
Dan...hes the hair dresser that only has sex with straight men? What the fuck?
Emma...Annoying Voice..i can see her crying alot.
Kitten...Someone inject her with some happy potion or something...shes a bitch that needs to calm down abit. I hope she bites Marcos nose off or something.
Marco....The campest gay on the planet...Annoying as can be but will probably win it.
Nadia...Man beast, doesnt even look real...gives me nightmares.
Shell...freaky, horse/sheep shagger.
Stuart...Arrogent American Wannabe...Take them fuckin bandanas out of your fucking hair you wanker!
Vanessa...Have you spoken yet? Just stand around looking in mirrors.
Victor...hope this guy wins it coz he looks like he hates everyone else and just looks down on everyone.

I think its going to be mad this year. Hopefully lots of arguments and punch ups. We will see.


Friday, May 28, 2004

Blackpoo tower...Needs destroying...Someone please blow up Blackpool! Posted by Hello

My Boss and Dave on the scaffolding at Blackpool! How shit does it look? Posted by Hello

Sugar On Chips and Blackpool!

Hey guys,

Today my alarm clock of a dad manage to work on time. I was at work earlier than everyone else. My boss was late as usual and Dave was even later. I was informed we would be working in Blackpool and that it would be sunny. I couldn't help but laugh.

We drove down to Blackpool in the transit. I was sat in the back...BOOHOO! The sunny skies of Bolton soon disappeared into a cloudy, murky blackpool shithole. I hate Blackpool it is full of sweaty skallies or old age pensioners or fucking Scots. The Tower is a rusty piece of shit sticking its dirty nose to the sky and after all that its pissing it down. I had to stop Dave from jumping under a tram...It was that bad.

At dinner we went to a little cafe in the backstreets of Blackpool...Yeah the ones even the locals don't go to. We had chips and cheeseburgers and my boss went for a fry up. He then managed to use the sugar shaker to make his chips really sweet...Then noticed his mistake he put salt and pepper on as well...And still managed to eat them all. He bought the dinners though so I didn't have to break into my wages until I got home and paid my keep. Finished early again and got dropped off at home. Not a bad day in the end.

Hope you all have a good weekend and don't get pissed...And beware of the taxi drivers and their big ears...And resist the urge to flick them. Tonight's the last ever friends and then big brother 5 starts ill write my thoughts on these later...Should be fun.

Cya Dan Booth

Thursday, May 27, 2004

What ribena does to a man! Posted by Hello

Daves Dream and Ribena and Me!

Hey People,

Today I overslept my mostly reliable alarm clock otherwise know as dad failed to wake me up at the usual 7:15am time. Oh well I got another 45 minutes lie in and was still only 10 minutes late for work. My boss and supervisor believed that I slept at my girlfriends the night before and that was the reason I was late. Suckers. Even though I wish I had slept at hers. Get to lie next to her and hold her fine body in my arms etc.

Well I got in work and Dave my boss but not Dave the boss (there is two Daves both my bosses) told me he had a dream about....Me! I wonder if when I'm up ladders he checks me out and stuff but dreaming about me is just wrong. His dream went something like this:

"Me and Dan working at some place near a river, scaffolding goes above the water and there is a school across the river. Its dinner time and all the girls are watching us work...(id be skiving anyway in real life!) Anyway Dave says I had my shirt off and I was showing off and I jumped in the water to impress the girls. Then Dave sent me home for messing about"

Dave mate keep your filthy mind to yourself in future. He let me finish work over a hour early though so he's a star.

PS if any of you see a empty carton or bottle of ribena in the street do your best to destroy the dirty no good things...You could stamp, tear or set on fire the devils juice as I like to call it. I will explain another time why I hate ribena so much but for now I will leave you with a picture.

Also I would like to wish my girlfriend the best of luck in all her exams she deserves to get the highest possible grades to go to university and I know she will. Good Luck Amy! :D

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Here is a pic of me and my girlfriend Amy on a night out. Posted by Hello

May 26 2004

Hi People,

I had the maddest weekend i went out saturday and got absolutely fucked...I couldnt even see and it was crazy. We drank all kinds of shit, Cheeky Vimtos, Turbo Shandies and wkd and aftershocks mixed. I ended up going with my mates to a bar in town called malonies and i smashed 3 of my mates drinks and then i got barred...I got thrown out by a women bouncer. In the taxi home i flicked the taxi drivers ears...which wasnt a good idea but i did it again and we got thrown out of the taxi. He charged us 3 quid and we had to walk miles home.

Saw 50 first dates with my girlfriend on sunday which was pretty good. I would recommend it especially if you find little penguins in funny shirts and that deuce bigalow fellow is in it.

Have a good week guys and remember...It isnt a good idea to flick your taxi or bus drivers ears. Muhaha